Your Editor has received this End of Term School Report from an East Coast Member and would like to share it more widely this Easter weekend . . .
END OF TERM REPORT: EAST COAST BUOYS
Form IIb: Cardinals, Channel markers & Withies
The Doctor
Achieves well, across all subjects. Wears glasses & refuses to take off his stethoscope
Upper Troublesome
6ft 7” tall, disruptive in most classes but evades detention.
Lower Troublesome
Awful. Cheats in the sculling race at sports day, rumoured to use WEST system behind the tool shed.
Wadgate Ledge
Captain of the sculling team, over confident & wears a fake Rolex.
Platters
A future spiv (or waiter). TBC.
Grisle
As described. Doesn’t play well with others.
Onion
Well built, not suited to PE. Odour noted, linked to weed growth (!)
Trimley
Opposite of onion. Wins at the H’Penny Pier sprints each year, and most open regattas.
Stanford
Decent sort, will make an excellent middle manager for future employers.
Walker
He never meant to go to sea . . .
Dene
Aspiring ne’er do well, wants to join the handicapping committee.
Leigh
Works in partnership with Dene. Can get you a handicap adjustment for five bob & a can of No. 7 thinners.
No 9.
He’s more than just a number, he’s a MAN!
Shotley
Has been removed from the school.
N.B Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is Medusa to be invited to another school disco.